Navigating First-Year Challenges as a Tax Associate: A Personal Journey

As I sit here working from home, wrapped in my blanket and battling overwhelming emotions, I can’t help but reflect on the tumultuous year I’ve had as a first-year associate in tax at one of the Big Four firms. With July just around the corner, marking the end of my inaugural year, I’ve found myself in a situation that’s both isolating and daunting.

In our once-thriving group of new talent, I am now the last associate standing. The previous five of us have either shifted to different teams or faced layoffs, creating a sense of unease that hangs over me like a cloud. Currently, my schedule is stacked with over 40 hours a week—most weeks tipping into the 50s, with some days pushing 70 hours or more. Recently, I learned that I’m being assigned two additional clients, but there’s been no corresponding adjustment to my already-hefty workload.

On top of the job pressures, I’m grappling with the grueling CPA exams. Despite feeling better prepared than ever as I approach the Audit section for the fourth time, I received disappointing news regarding my Financial Accounting and Reporting (FAR) score—one that revealed a drop of 17 points compared to my last attempt. This constant struggle is wearing me down.

The cumulative weight of exhaustion and anxiety is becoming unbearable. I dread the impending months, which promise to be more challenging than I can imagine. Yet, amidst all this turmoil, a part of me is terrified of not advancing to senior status. The current job market is bleak, and the thought of stepping away from Accounting feels like a gamble I’m not ready to take.

In moments like these, it’s crucial to recognize that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Many in this field have experienced similar challenges, and there’s strength in reaching out for support, whether it’s from peers, mentors, or professional advisors. As I navigate this rough patch, I remind myself that my worth isn’t solely defined by my job title or my exam results.

To anyone else in a similar position, know that you are not alone. The journey may be arduous, but there are paths forward, even when it might feel impossible to see them. Let’s keep pushing through together, because every step forward, no matter how small, is still progress.