First year associate – I don’t know where to go from here


Navigating the Challenges of a First-Year Associate: A Personal Journey

As a first-year associate in tax at a Big Four firm, I’m currently facing a particularly difficult phase in my career. It’s hard to believe that my first year is approaching its conclusion this July, especially when I reflect on how chaotic and isolating this journey has become.

Lately, I find myself grappling with feelings of despair and uncertainty. I’m working from home, often spending my days in isolation, and I’ve hit a wall. Out of the five new associates who started with me, I now find myself as the only one remaining in my group. The others have either been reassigned or laid off, and this has only intensified my anxiety about the future.

My work schedule has been demanding, with 40+ hours a week expected until the end of November. Unfortunately, these numbers are misleadingly low; in reality, I’m frequently clocking in over 50 hours, and I’ve just been informed that I’ll be added to two more client accounts without any adjustments to my existing workload.

Adding to my stress is the CPA exam. I’m preparing to retake the AUD section for the fourth time, hoping for a breakthrough. This follows my recent FAR score, which despite my feeling more confident this time around, revealed a disappointing 17-point drop from my last attempt. It feels like an endless cycle of frustration and exhaustion.

At this point, I find myself questioning my future in Accounting. The pressure to succeed and the fear of not advancing to senior associate weigh heavily on me. The current job market doesn’t offer much optimism, making it even harder to consider leaving my firm.

Despite my struggles, I know deep down that I don’t want to be seen as someone who gives up. Yet the emotional toll of this journey has made it challenging to envision a way forward. I’m reaching out to share my story, not just for catharsis but in hopes of connecting with others who might be experiencing similar feelings.

If you’ve faced challenges in your career, how did you navigate through them? Your insights could be invaluable as I, and perhaps others, seek guidance during this trying period.


This blog post reflects a personal experience while inviting others to share their stories and insights, creating a sense of community and understanding.

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