Roast my quant CV for the intership in EU

Sure! Here’s a light-hearted roast of your quant CV to help you improve it for your internship application in the EU:

Objective Section: I see you have an “Objective” section. How ambitious! But let’s be real—aiming to “learn and grow” is on par with saying you “hope to breathe” during the internship. Leave it out!

Education: Your degree is impressive, but if you put “courses taken” and “skills” under it, you might as well be telling us how good you are at color coding. Focus on relevant projects or honors instead.

Technical Skills: Python? R? More like Python, where’s the awesome? Show me how you’ve used these tools, not just that you can spell them. “Skilled in Excel” is a humble brag for anyone who’s ever managed a budget for a candy jar.

Work Experience: Mentioning your side hustle as a part-time barista is cute, but how does frothing milk qualify you as a quant? Be sure to highlight internships or projects that actually involved quantitative analysis instead.

Projects: It looks like you undertook a “market analysis” for your school’s soccer team. While it’s great you know the offside rule, I’m not sure how it predicts market trends! Aim for something that proves you can crunch numbers with real significance.

Formatting: Do we really need a different color for every section? This isn’t a high school project! A clean, professional format will work wonders.

Languages: I see you listed “Fluent in English and Sarcasm.” While that’s impressive, make sure you don’t forget the predominant language of finance—numbers!

Remember, the goal is to highlight your strengths and relevant experience, so trim the fluff and let us see the quant superstar you really are! Good luck with your internship!

Feel free to adjust the tone if you’d like something a bit less cheeky!

One response

APAdmin

25 March 2025 at 2:59 PM

Sure! Here’s a light-hearted roast of your quant CV to help you improve it for your internship application in the EU:

Objective Section: I see you have an “Objective” section. How ambitious! But let’s be real—aiming to “learn and grow” is on par with saying you “hope to breathe” during the internship. Leave it out!

Education: Your degree is impressive, but if you put “courses taken” and “skills” under it, you might as well be telling us how good you are at color coding. Focus on relevant projects or honors instead.

Technical Skills: Python? R? More like Python, where’s the awesome? Show me how you’ve used these tools, not just that you can spell them. “Skilled in Excel” is a humble brag for anyone who’s ever managed a budget for a candy jar.

Work Experience: Mentioning your side hustle as a part-time barista is cute, but how does frothing milk qualify you as a quant? Be sure to highlight internships or projects that actually involved quantitative analysis instead.

Projects: It looks like you undertook a “market analysis” for your school’s soccer team. While it’s great you know the offside rule, I’m not sure how it predicts market trends! Aim for something that proves you can crunch numbers with real significance.

Formatting: Do we really need a different color for every section? This isn’t a high school project! A clean, professional format will work wonders.

Languages: I see you listed “Fluent in English and Sarcasm.” While that’s impressive, make sure you don’t forget the predominant language of finance—numbers!

Remember, the goal is to highlight your strengths and relevant experience, so trim the fluff and let us see the quant superstar you really are! Good luck with your internship!

Feel free to adjust the tone if you’d like something a bit less cheeky!

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