Navigating the Challenges of Being a First-Year Associate in Tax: A Personal Journey

As the clock ticks down to the completion of my first year as an associate in the Big Four tax sector, I’m confronting a wave of emotions that has brought me to the brink of tears. Working from home, I find myself curled up in bed, overwhelmed by a mix of anxiety and uncertainty about my future within this demanding field.

When I first joined the firm, I was one of five eager new associates. However, due to a series of unforeseen circumstances—including involuntary group switches and layoffs—I’m now the sole first-year associate remaining in my team. My workload reflects this drastic shift; from now until late November, I’m scheduled for over 40 hours a week. This, of course, is just a baseline, as many of my colleagues are clocking in at 50, 70, or even 80 hours per week. Recently, I received notification that I will be adding two more clients to my roster—but curiously, these new responsibilities have yet to appear on my schedule.

On top of the demanding work schedule, I’m also grappling with the formidable CPA exam—a challenge that has proven to be quite brutal. I’m preparing to tackle the Audit section for the fourth time on Monday, and despite feeling more prepared than ever, my recent FAR (Financial Accounting and Reporting) exam score has left me disheartened. Preliminary insights suggest I’ve taken a significant step backward, dropping 17 points from my last attempt, which has only heightened my frustrations.

In this moment, I find myself questioning everything. The exhaustion is palpable, and I’m staring down the barrel of several months that promise to be equally taxing. I dread the thought of falling short of the senior level, especially given the current state of the job market—an environment that feels increasingly hostile. Adding to my stress is the nagging feeling that this may not be the career path I envisioned for myself.

Ultimately, my heart is heavy as I reflect on these challenges. The relentless pressure and emotional toll of this journey are weighing me down, and I’m unsure where to turn next. My hope is to navigate these turbulent waters, finding clarity amidst the chaos, and perhaps rediscovering my passion for Accounting along the way. I know I cannot be the only one facing such trials, and I’m reaching out for solidarity and support as I move forward.