A First-Year Associate’s Struggle: Finding Direction Amidst Challenges

As I sit in the comfort of my home, nestled under the covers, a wave of emotions overwhelms me. I am a first-year associate in a Big Four tax division, nearing the end of my inaugural year in July. The journey has been far from easy, and today, I find myself contemplating the future.

In my office, once bustling with camaraderie and support, I now stand alone as the remaining first-year associate within my group. My colleagues have either transitioned to different teams or been let go, leaving me as one of the last of my cohort. Initially, we started as a group of five enthusiastic new associates. As I look forward, the workload appears daunting, with my schedule packed at over 40 hours a week until the end of November, most weeks creeping above 50 hours and even reaching the 70- and 80-hour mark. Recently, I received notification that I will be assigned to two new clients whose demands have yet to be added to my calendar.

As if the challenges at work were not enough, my pursuit of CPA certification is proving to be a formidable adversary. After three attempts, I am set to take the AUD exam for the fourth time on Monday. With my latest FAR score coming back disappointingly—despite feeling prepared—I can’t help but feel disheartened. A 17-point drop from my previous attempt has shaken my confidence.

I find myself at a crossroads, feeling utterly exhausted. The next few months promise to be an uphill battle, fueling my fear of becoming another statistic in this merciless workforce, particularly given the current job market. The thought of not making it to senior associate weighs heavily on my mind, yet I am grappling with a deeper question: Do I even want to continue in Accounting?

Amidst these struggles, I remind myself that it is okay to feel overwhelmed. Acknowledge the emotions, seek support, and consider the aspects of work and life that bring fulfillment. While the road ahead may seem bleak, there is a path forward, and it starts with reaching out for help and reevaluating what I truly want from my career.